I've noticed there is something about expressing my thoughts or ideas that's different than simply thinking about them. That extra time and energy that it takes to write something out or say it out loud makes it harder to avoid noticing who I am and what thoughts and ideas drive me, whether good or bad. I've also noticed there's something freeing about making those thoughts and ideas known and public to someone else and not just keeping them to myself. A few reasons I'm deciding to use a blog to express my thoughts is that 1. I will be able to take as long as I want to write a post 2. I can edit, or reedit posts I'm in the process of writing as much as I want 3. I can write a post anytime of the day (or late at night) and 4. Blog posts gives me more space to write out my thoughts than instagram or facebook posts do.
I've thought about doing a blog off and on for a little while. A lot of questions come up like "What if people don't like my posts?" "What if it became really popular and I became super prideful?" "What if it takes too much of my time?" "What if I hardly ever write?" "What if I say too much?" "What if I am really shallow and make it seem like life is always great?". Then I think "Well... just in case those are true I should just not try." But I know my mistakes aren't made just through action, but also through inaction. Most of the time I prefer to avoid doing something in case I do it wrong or make a bad decision. Reality is though writing a blog won't make me an imperfect person. I already am flawed. A blog will just make those flaws more obvious to me and to others. One problem with inaction is that while I would like to hide my flaws from people it's not possible to do that without also hiding the good things about myself. I can't hide my mistakes without also hiding some of the creativity, sensitivity, and eye-for-detail God gave me. I think I've often told myself that I was being selfless when I was hiding my flaws. "If I hide my anger, pride and shame, others don't have to experience the pain and discomfort that might come from them." But on the other hand God designed us and crafted us with good things. (Psalm 139:13) He delighted in creating our personalities, our talents, our gifts (Psalm 115:3). When He was finished designing us He looked at us and saw what He had made and said "She is good" or "He is good". He even planned out great (though often hard) adventures for each one of us. (Jeremiah 29:11) Adventures that are suited to the unique design God created us with. If I hide my flaws and try to pretend I'm perfect, not only am I living a lie (because I am not perfect), but I am also hiding and belittling the great design, personality, and talents God chose to give me. I'm saying that hiding my faults is more important to me than showing the Artist's great design in me. It turns the focus from God onto me. In writing a blog I do want to see my mistakes, even if it's uncomfortable, so that I can change. More importantly I want to glorify my God and Father. Though I am flawed, God has given me so many good gifts. He knows my mistakes better than I do, yet He still loves me and is gracious and merciful to me. And who knows... Maybe creating a blog won't be a helpful and beneficial for me. Maybe after trying it out for a few months I'll decide it's not worth it, but at least I won't be wondering "what if I wasn't too scared to try it out?" In Christ I know I have been set free (Galatians 5:1) I no longer have to people please, worry, or stay inside my comfort zone. I have the power to choose freedom from those things. I know God wants me to let Him be Lord of my life. He wants to show me more what it looks like to be vulnerable and live unashamedly in Him and to trust Him in the crazy adventure He has planned for me. And sometimes that will be something as seemingly small as starting a blog and seeing what happens. I know I still will people please, worry, and try to stay where it's comfortable, but little by little I will trust more and fear less. My hope and prayer is that this blog will show that though I have flaws, I am securely anchored in Christ. My value and worth is not in perfection, status, accomplishments, or doing good things. My value is anchored in my relationship with Jesus Christ. P.S. Even though my brain is now convinced that I should start a blog, my heart is still telling me it's too scary (on a side note, don't always follow your heart...)
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